Cried like a Wuss
by Ms.Schuler Bub
Summary: Pearl Harbor with some humor...sorry bad at summaries


~*~*~ Ok well I love Pearl Harbor and thought hey why don't I make fun of it

~*~*~ Ok well I love Pearl Harbor and thought hey why don't I make fun of it? Any way I love Josh Hartnett and Ben Affleck and even though it suggests it none of them are gay! And if any ideas seem close or like your stories that's only because they rocked and I wanted everyone to enjoy it a second time. Also don't be so politically correct like my sister with your thoughts of the story who cares if they have to wear parachutes! Oh well I'm giving away the whole story and writing to much oh well enjoy!!! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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One day two really big planes came flying towards each other with two not so smart pilots inside.

"Hey Rafe let's play some chicken." Rafe said realizing he had said it to himself.

"OK! Let's go right." Danny replied.

Just then two P-40's came flying right for each other and crashed in the middle of the sky but the two pilots survived because there were still 2hours and 58minutes left in the movie and they were the stars.

"Why didn't you turn?" they both asked at the same time.

"Well I couldn't remember which direction was which?" they both laughed out as they hurtled towards the pavement doing one of those roadrunner things without realizing they had a parachute.

Anyway…the colonel dude kicked their asses and sent Rafe off to England so he could break their planes instead.

"I'm going to war!" Rafe said proudly to Danny as he began to cry like a wuss. "Danny, are you gay?"

"NO!" Danny said wiping his tears.

"Well then let's go so I can get into the skirt of my new girlfriend," Rafe laughed out as he punched Danny in the arm in a playful way.

"Ow…that hurt!" he said as he cried like a wuss again. Then he said a bunch of boring serious stuff but was cut off by a red head guy who couldn't talk right.

Well Rafe and his pilot friends went to go meet a bunch of nurses and took them out "Dancing." 

Well all the guys scored except for the Italian guy with the cheesy lines and Danny.

"Is Danny gay?" Evelyn asked watching him strike out with her geekie friend Sandra.

"Yeah, pretty much." Rafe said as he squeezed Evelyn's ass.

Well then they both got onto a boat and fell off the side and should have drowned but since there was 2hours and 15minutes left they both survived…again.

So they went back to a hotel room and were about to score but then Rafe turned all gay and gave her a bunch of cheesy crap to cover it up.

Then Rafe and Danny had a really slashy moment before Rafe got on the train. "Are you sure you're not gay?" Rafe asked giving him a flirtatious smile.

"NOOOO!" Danny screamed!

So Rafe went off to England and everyone else moved to Hawaii where Rafe and Evelyn could write extremely cheesy love letters even though Rafe didn't know how to write or read.

All of a sudden Rafe died and Danny cried like a wuss…again. "Oh no I'm so lonely!" Evelyn cried out to Danny, "so…do ya wanna sleep with me."

"Um…" Danny said contemplating the situation.

"Rafe was right you are gay!!!" she screamed out allowing everyone to look at them.

"NOOO!!!" he screamed out crying like a wuss again. "Well ok I'll sleep with you!"

So they had this really mushy love scene and then out of the blue Rafe appeared. "I died!" he said proudly as Danny came over to hug him. 

Well then Rafe got all pissed off but he didn't know why and went to go get drunk. Then Danny came and they got into a big fight and then Rafe kneed him in the balls. "OW!" Danny shrieked as he cried like a wuss…again.

Well they wound up in Danny's car and had yet another really slashy moment. "So Danny you are gay…right?" Rafe asked.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" Danny screamed out.

The Japanese came and blew everything up and Rafe and Danny got in some planes and tried to play chicken again and this time it actually worked as they blew up a bunch of planes and crap.

They then went to someplace in America but before they could Evelyn came up to Rafe and said, "I love you Rafe and I'm a slut cuz now I'm knocked up." She giggled and ran away as Rafe began to cry like a wuss.

Evelyn then ran to Danny, "Danny I love you bye!"

So Rafe and Danny and all the pilots who didn't blow up got on the plane and flew to nowhere.

They then trained for some weird mission and the colonel dude hit on all of them…especially Rafe.

So they went to Japan and blew up a bunch of stuff and then tried to fly off to China but before they could a bunch of planes crashed in the water. any way Rafe and Danny's planes were the only ones to make it! dun, dun, dun!

Anyway the Japanese were there and began shooting millions of shots at Rafe but miraculously none of them came close to him! So he shoots them all with just one bullet each!

Well Danny's plane crashes and makes a really big explosion and Rafe runs to Danny's side and cry's like a wuss, "are you gay?" Danny asks as he begins to die. But before Rafe can answer he is knocked unconscious and is dragged away but then he grabs his gun which amazingly is still loaded and shoots them all but runs out of bullets so Danny knocks a guy out and then sees that he is about to be shot. Then remembering that Evelyn was back at home waiting for him he ran in front of the bullets killing him.

"NOOOOOO!" Rafe said now crying like a wuss…again, ran over to Danny. 

"You win! You get Evelyn," Danny laughed out and then died.

"NOOOOO!" Rafe screamed again, "Japanese dude kill me now!" he screamed out.

The Japanese people aimed but before they could fire they were crapped on by incoming Goose's no wait blown up by Gooz.

Before Rafe could try to blow his head off with an unloaded gun they were rescued and came home. Evelyn stood there waiting and when she saw that Danny was dead she said "Oh no!" as she pretended to bawl, "Oh well Rafe let's get married!"

"NOOOOO!" Rafe screamed but she got him drunk and they got married. 

~*~*~*~*~*~3years later~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hey Danny, ya wanna go flying?" Rafe asked the little boy as he picked him up with a large suitcase and threw it in a plane.

"Sure!" the bot said. The two got in the plane and flew away. Evelyn stood on the ground watching as the plane flew further and further away never to be seen again.

"Oh well," Evelyn said shrugging her shoulders. Just then the mailman came, "hey! Ya wanna hook up?" Evelyn asked flirtatiously.

They hooked up and every one lived happily ever after…the end.


End file.
